thefairymelusine: line drawing of a knight lying by a bank of flowers (Default)
posted by [personal profile] thefairymelusine at 06:28pm on 25/05/2017
 I have literally one essay left on my degree, and that is making me feel a bit weird. (I think I am actually in a perfectly good position to start writing it, I just feel odd and afraid of starting writing because it is The Last Thing. And I do actually want it out of the way, I just need to avoid perfectionism regarding it and at least write a draft. This means the fact that I have opened a document and typed an introduction is good). 

Endings generally make me feel a bit weird, and it turns out I feel really weird about undergrad finishing, partially because the ending of school was not really there (I mean, I went in for 'last day before study leave stuff' but I'd had to drop out because of being hospitalised, so it is nice but strange to actually have end of degree stuff happen? (And also has involved a lot of having to remind myself that it is very, very unlikely that everything will go horribly wrong at near last minute again).

I am just about coming out of a really quite bad depressive episode which started at some point in  February and went on until a week or two ago. (it's not gone, I'm still depressed, I'm just out of REALLY BAD depression which is a relief) With that and pain stuff having been bad enough that I had to go to A and E in late March, I really should actually be quite pleased that 1) I have got everything in and done by the deadlines set 2) I have managed to consistently do some good and difficult work when really ill, and also turn up to things.

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