thefairymelusine: line drawing of a knight lying by a bank of flowers (Default)
posted by [personal profile] thefairymelusine at 09:03pm on 02/12/2015 under
Please bear in mind when reading the following that I am currently in a state where everything hurts, and I have coursework due, and all of this contributes to stuff. There is a long-ish whine about trans stuff below the cut. Note: I am a binary trans man, I am aware the way issues affect me is not the same as the way issues affect other trans people, especially non binary people, I have had a bad month or so with being misgendered A LOT in low stakes situations (i.e. by people in shops, customer service roles, random people when out) so that's an influence.

Read more... )
thefairymelusine: line drawing of a knight lying by a bank of flowers (Default)
posted by [personal profile] thefairymelusine at 12:56am on 25/11/2015
I am having one of those "day, you were grand, but also were messing with me. Stop this please day" days. If you would like to cheer me up, feel free
thefairymelusine: line drawing of a knight lying by a bank of flowers (Default)
posted by [personal profile] thefairymelusine at 01:03pm on 23/11/2015
I have a meeting at two, and a meeting at five, and so much work to finish, and I am in so much pain I have only really managed movement in the last fifteen minutes or so.

I kind of regret agreeing to two meetings on my "I am just going to blitz all my work" day, but I also had to do so for various reasons, including not being an arsehole (other people also have work and are doing these meetings etc)
thefairymelusine: line drawing of a knight lying by a bank of flowers (Default)
posted by [personal profile] thefairymelusine at 07:03pm on 04/11/2015
Mental health is not very good at the moment, as I have bumped into a couple of quite bad triggers of late, and then some more this afternoon, and I am going to politely email my lecturers and then go home for a few days in the hope that that helps. I'm then going on retreat for the weekend with an LGBT Catholics group, so I'm kind of looking forwards to that, although slightly worried it may turn into A Bad Thing mentally, although it is not that likely that it will. (If it does I can leave early). Also, because I don't know the people there very well and there's some social anxiety stuff.

If people feel like leaving encouragement or pictures of kittens in the comments that would be lovely.

Am trying to remember that mental health is also dodgy, and manifesting this way, in part because pain issues have been bad of late and the fact that I find it hard to be a balanced and logical person at the best of times, but especially not when in constant pain.
thefairymelusine: line drawing of a knight lying by a bank of flowers (Default)
posted by [personal profile] thefairymelusine at 10:33pm on 15/10/2015
Have been back at university for five weeks now, if you include freshers. It's going okay- I like my modules a lot more than I did last year, which helps, although the couple of grades I've got (which are a very small percentage of a running portfolio) have not been great and those have been worrying me.

I'm in the same halls as last year, but a different room, living next door to my best friend here (which has it's blessings and his curses, but most it's blessings), and my fear that everyone who hung out with me last year wouldn't want to anymore this year as they were living off site turned out to be random social paranoia (well, not random social paranoia- social paranoia that is born of a series of experiences which were unpleasant over a longish period of time, involving being socially dropped). I know how the buses work and stuff now so that's helped a lot, and already having set up everything with disability last year has made the early part of this term a lot easier.

The ongoing joint pain problem got really quite bad over the summer, and remains so - it's still not been diagnosed, but I've redone blood tests for arthritis and gout and my GP is chasing a referral. For the moment alongside OTC painkillers I am using a cane to walk. I'm still getting used to it, and feel self conscious as hell around it, but a day of walking using a cane is less likely to lead to me lying on my bed in agony for three hours at the end of it.

I got triggered quite badly at the weekend, and a couple of other things have since added to that, so I'm having a fairly bad mental health week. I'm doing my best to manage it, though- it's horrible, but hopefully it will soon pass.
thefairymelusine: line drawing of a knight lying by a bank of flowers (Default)
Because of national coming out day I realised that it's been roughly six years since I started to figure out this trans thing. (insofar as it well ever be figured out)
thefairymelusine: line drawing of a knight lying by a bank of flowers (Default)
posted by [personal profile] thefairymelusine at 04:22pm on 08/09/2015
I have a migraine, but have come into internship as I was scheduled today because they're short staffed. I dislike this migraine. I'm off tomorrow and working Thurs-Friday, and I currently regret just giving myself tomorrow to pack and clean my flat.

Oh well. Am going to dye my hair after therapy tonight to cheer myself up, and have my last session of the current run of therapy after work.
thefairymelusine: line drawing of a knight lying by a bank of flowers (Default)
posted by [personal profile] thefairymelusine at 12:04am on 19/07/2015
... the current anxiety flare up combined with a run of unpleasant migraines. I have an idea what the trigger might be (piece of news which I will post about soon, ongoing needing to sort some things out) and probably summer becoming uncomfortably long, but it's annoying and I'd rather it stops.
thefairymelusine: line drawing of a knight lying by a bank of flowers (Default)
posted by [personal profile] thefairymelusine at 12:27am on 21/06/2015
In my ongoing struggle with executive function, I am currently trying out one of the grocery/meal delivery services (Currently it will remain nameless, I might name it later).

So, I had my first box this week and have just cooked the last of the meals (and put half of it in the fridge for after the gym tomorrow).

Pros:
It tends to mean that I actually have meals of several ingredients/food groups.
It has meant that even when low/spacey/migrainey if vaguely functional I am saved the half hour of repeatedly looking in the fridge trying to think of what to make
The food is of good quality and the instructions are well written

Cons/weirdnesses:
It is odd to get a grocery order with exactly one clove of garlic, and it makes navigating adjusting the recipes difficult/sometimes I disagree with the quantities (which is fine at the moment, as it's a reforming a habit thing)
It's a bit pricey, and would be more so if cooking for multiple people
It doesn't substitute for some form of grocery shopping in which I can just get easily absorbable calories for when I need some energy/spoons before doing a thing.
Based on this weeks recipes, they are very keen on a frankly unnecessary amount of chopping/cubing etc.
thefairymelusine: line drawing of a knight lying by a bank of flowers (Default)
posted by [personal profile] thefairymelusine at 07:27pm on 08/06/2015
I've been back just over a week, and my approach to the last week has been mostly "I would like to have all the sleep, now" hence this being late. I will dip into dread later in this week as grades come out on the 15th, I think, and also because I am yet to thoroughly unpack. 

Things I accomplished this term:

Things I am pleased with accomplishing this academic year )


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