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thefairymelusine at 09:03pm on 02/12/2015 under trangst
thefairymelusine at 09:03pm on 02/12/2015 under trangstPlease bear in mind when reading the following that I am currently in a state where everything hurts, and I have coursework due, and all of this contributes to stuff. There is a long-ish whine about trans stuff below the cut. Note: I am a binary trans man, I am aware the way issues affect me is not the same as the way issues affect other trans people, especially non binary people, I have had a bad month or so with being misgendered A LOT in low stakes situations (i.e. by people in shops, customer service roles, random people when out) so that's an influence.
There is currently no combination of clothes I can wear and not get misgendered. I mean, I'm mostly familiar with this problem (as it has been there for a long time) and nowadays I am trying to frame it as "I am grateful that someone has gendered me correctly" when they do, rather than fury at being misgendered as I have limited energy and constantly being angry is bad for me (n.b. this is my method of coping with a difficult thing, I do not say anyone else should use it.)
Also- if not gothing or larping, I dress in a way which pretty much fits with social norms around the gender binary. Unless I have a chest infection, I bind, I pack most days, I wear shirts and cords and jumpers. (Again, this is my thing not a universal). Given that I don't see what else I can do short of a medical transition that seems impossibly out of reach (I found out this week that I have to get *another* rereferral to Charing Cross), it makes it especially dispiriting when I get misgendered dressed like that, especially given the amount of pain and discomfort binding causes. I'm also aware that this is annoying me more given current depression and anxiety, and that I feel bad that I am not good at being around happy newly come-out people of any form, because I really envy them.
Dysphoria is... just horrible (and one of my things is that at least dressing the way I do reduces it), and I am fed up and sad.
Also, anxiety makes correcting people in situations where there is a power differential in my favour awkward (see: customer service things) and I am a dom who likes knights so I find it awkward to say 'it's sir actually' if correcting someone whose said Madam, as it sounds a bit like I'm either topping them or claiming to hold a title I do not have.
There is currently no combination of clothes I can wear and not get misgendered. I mean, I'm mostly familiar with this problem (as it has been there for a long time) and nowadays I am trying to frame it as "I am grateful that someone has gendered me correctly" when they do, rather than fury at being misgendered as I have limited energy and constantly being angry is bad for me (n.b. this is my method of coping with a difficult thing, I do not say anyone else should use it.)
Also- if not gothing or larping, I dress in a way which pretty much fits with social norms around the gender binary. Unless I have a chest infection, I bind, I pack most days, I wear shirts and cords and jumpers. (Again, this is my thing not a universal). Given that I don't see what else I can do short of a medical transition that seems impossibly out of reach (I found out this week that I have to get *another* rereferral to Charing Cross), it makes it especially dispiriting when I get misgendered dressed like that, especially given the amount of pain and discomfort binding causes. I'm also aware that this is annoying me more given current depression and anxiety, and that I feel bad that I am not good at being around happy newly come-out people of any form, because I really envy them.
Dysphoria is... just horrible (and one of my things is that at least dressing the way I do reduces it), and I am fed up and sad.
Also, anxiety makes correcting people in situations where there is a power differential in my favour awkward (see: customer service things) and I am a dom who likes knights so I find it awkward to say 'it's sir actually' if correcting someone whose said Madam, as it sounds a bit like I'm either topping them or claiming to hold a title I do not have.