thefairymelusine: line drawing of a knight lying by a bank of flowers (Default)
2016-04-10 01:54 pm

Friendships and age

I've been thinking about how, as I edge closer to thirty than twenty, even with my own relatively loose schedule it gets harder to see my friends. The category of "people I adore and to whom I am genuinely close, but see at best once every six, if not every 18 months" covers more people. As indeed does the category of "people I quite like but with whom I have just lost touch, not for important reasons but because we lose touch with people over time"

I've just had two weeks off university, during which I had to admit that I was *not* going to catch up with everyone I wanted to see, because I needed to spend quite a lot of time Doing Very Little plus trying to catch up on some work. I did actually manage an uncharacteristic level of Being Sociable- I went to a friend's birthday party. I hung out with my friends C and H who did a lot of looking after me when we were all in London in 2011-2015, and whom I do actually still see more than most other people, but hadn't seen without us all being terribly busy since the summer, really. I saw the one friend with whom I am in touch from school for dinner and drinks, and a friend whom I've known since 2009 and to whom I am very close, but managed to not see for 5 years because we were both in different sorts of appalling health from late 2011 to January.

I feel like this is one of the parts of adulthood for which I'm unprepared: it's not that I was excellent at having friends as a small human, I was very lonely and badly bullied and didn't really master the "person I talk to most days" level of friendship til my late teens (with a friend whom I'm seeing for coffee sometime next month, to whom I don't talk as much now because we're just busier, but who hasn't ceased to matter). But it is an odd thing to which to get used, and one of the things that I think is especially difficult to navigate when single, because I lack a default person or people with whom to make plans.

I've got five weeks left of term, if we include exams, and then I've got the summer and I'm a bit scared of it. It hit me when I got back the other week that I don't really have a social support network in London any more, other than parents, because people have moved away or are busy. And that is probably normal for a 27 year old living in his hometown who moved away for a bit, but it still feels a bit jarring.
thefairymelusine: line drawing of a knight lying by a bank of flowers (Default)
2014-09-08 01:38 am
Entry tags:

Have deleted my Facebook

 Having first made sure I have the details of people the few people I 1) did not have on other platforms and 2) wanted to stay in touch, or had at least given them mine. Feel slightly apprehensive, but mostly good- it had become a source of social anxiety, weird status envy, and learning that I disagreed with people I otherwise really liked, and would not have known this without their Facebook. (Not even terrible things- just people feeling very strongly about What Is Correct Characterisation In LARP in a way I disagree, or feel very strongly about things express this especially aggressively). 

So- I am now going to try and remember that I have had a social life *fine* without Facebook in the past, that I do actually manage most of my social life without it, and that I like having a social life where my main thoughts on encountering a person are "Oh, it is Person! It is nice/interesting/suprising to see them here" and not "Oh, it is Person, I must not tell them HOW WRONG they were on the internet last week"

(This is less of a problem for other platforms- Facebook just hits a lot of things for me. Especially as it often suggests friends in an unhelpful, although predictable, algorithmic manner: despite having *many* Facebook friends in common with her, I would rather not add the girl who outdone me to our year when I was 15 as a friend. Likewise, I have between 40-60 friends in common with my ex husband, and although I wish him well and am glad he seems to be doing well, I did unfriend him for a reason. (Mostly: not wanting to know about the minutiae of his life, weird irrational conviction that he was doing life better than me) 
cAlso, had a pre university/leaving drinks thing yesterday, and enough people turned up to justify it (C and H, who are my London-going-to-the-pub-and-sometimes-also-church friends, E- a queer geek friend, A who was at the first lesson of swing dance to which I went and with whom I'd been meant to have coffee for ages and my baby sister). Many other people couldn't make it, but sent nice texts/made other plans. I felt happier for it, and got to prove to my sister that yes, my friends do actually exist. (She also liked them and got on with them, which helped).